Helpful Tips from one Mama to another

   The Binky Fairy and her magic box


  The day finally came, the day I had been dreading for a while.  It was time to say goodbye to the Binky.  Wyatt was 2 and barely talking.  He used to only use it at bedtime and long drives in the car, but now it was becoming a constant.  Always in his mouth.  This wasn't an issue for me with Logan.  The first time I tried to give him a Binky, he spit it right back out at me.  I was relieved he didn't want it.  He never even sucked his thumb.  Wyatt on the other hand was a crier.  I was thrilled when he took that Binky and it calmed him.  He even slept better than Logan did.  But my little YY was'nt an infant anymore, and you could see the Binky was a problem.  I kept one in my purse, in the car, at my parents house, and had like 5 in my kitchen cupboard.  We were always terrified of loosing one.  So, broken heart and all I sat him down and tried to explain to him that it was time to start letting it go.  Yea, Ok he's 2, this did not go well.  I thought about it for a couple of days.  How can I make this easier on him?  I was taking away his security, his comfort, his...friend.  I had this little box so I put it in his room one night after he was asleep.  When he woke up the next morning, I said,"  Wyatt look!  What's this?"  He was intrigued.  I told him that it was a magic box from The Binky Fairy.  I said," Every morning when you wake up, you put your Binky in the box, and when you lay down for your nap we will get it back out."  "UH Uh" he said, meaning  NO WAY mom!  But I insisted.  Ok so he wined all morning, I knew this was to be expected.  I never saw a child so happy to take a nap.  When nap time was over I took the box off the shelf and opened it up.  He cried but I made him do it.  Feeling like the worst mother in the world, I listened to him wine all day.  I did this routine for a week, and after about the third day he was getting used to it.  When we went out I didn't take it with us.  Instead of it being my crutch just as much as it was his, I decided to take whatever tantrum was gonna come wherever it was gonna happen.  He did really well I have to say.
     The second week was a little tougher. On Monday morning when he woke up, I told him,"  Ok bud today we're gonna try something new, your getting to be such a big boy now without your Binky and mummy is so proud of you.  Let's put Binky in your magic box and I'll give it back to you at bedtime."  He looked confused.  He said,"Nap time."  "No, bedtime"  I replied. "You can do it, I know you can. Now let's go have some breakfast."  Not wanting to dwell on the situation I quickly moved on to something else.  Well nap time came and of coarse he balled.  He cried the whole time and didn't nap at all.  This went on for 3 days.  No naps, miserable all day and by bed time I just wanted to give in.  I wanted to shove that Binky in his mouth and pour myself a glass of wine and lock myself in the bathroom.  But then I tried to think about how he felt, how hard this must be for him.  At bedtime I took the box down off the shelf and gave him his best friend.  He crawled in bed with is Binky and his woobie and sighed.  He looked so sad, so tired, and so relieved at the same time.  I kissed him and told him,"I know this is hard for you buddy, but you're doing great and I am so proud of you.  I love you so much."  With tears in my eyes I said,"Goodnight."  and left the room.  Day 4 was completely different, just like the week before.  At nap time he didn't even ask.  He went right in and fell asleep no problem.  Maybe he was so exhausted from the lack of sleep, I don't know but he slept and slept well that day.  The rest of the week went well.  He was starting to get used to the routine of getting up and putting the Binky in the magic box and then he just go about his day.
Week number three.  This was the week I was dreading most.  When he woke up on Monday morning I said,"  Ok Wyatt it's time to put your Binky in the Binky box forever.  Your a big boy now and you don't need it anymore.  We will put it in the magic box and keep it on your shelf.  If you can sleep without it, at the end of the week The Binky Fairy will leave you a surprise."  He wasn't impressed but he put it in the box anyway and went about his business.  Bed time came, he cried of coarse but eventually fell asleep.  The whole week was like that.  He'd cry every night and I would try my best to reassure him, that I was proud and he was doing a great job.  But I knew I was breaking his little heart.  Tough love sucks!  And as mothers we have to do it more than anyone else.  The next Monday morning when Wyatt woke up I opened up the box and it was empty, The Binky Fairy had left him a note and $5.00.  I read him  the note, Thanking him for giving his Binky to her, how much she liked it and would keep it always, how proud she was of him, and how she wanted him to take his money and buy something for himself as a reward.  After breakfast I we took him to the store and let him pick out something.  He walked around the store with his new toy very proud that he was buying it himself.
     Occasionally he would mention his Binky but that faded away.  He started talking a lot more and we were surprised at how much he could say and how well he could say it.  He could talk, he just didn't much because of that Binky in his mouth all the time.  About a year later he was sitting on the recliner and he dropped a little figurine down in the cushion.  He reached his hand down to get it and he pulled out a Binky!  He stuck it right in his mouth and yelled,"Mama, BINKY!"  Shocked I said,"Where did you get that?"  He pointed to the cushion and I said,"Get that out of your mouth, your a big boy not a baby."  He pulled it out laughing and handed it to me.  It was nasty!  It had fuzz and dirt all over it.  Gross.  I thought I had gotten rid of all the Binky's but I guess this one got left behind.  Now when he sees a Binky he tells me those are for babies and that he's a big boy now.
     Those were the hardest 3 weeks of my life as a mom so far.  But I am sure it was a lot harder for Wyatt.

Recipe for the week

Samon Sauce
1/2 cup soy sauce
1/4 cup brown sugar
2 tablespoons butter melted
1 teaspoon black pepper
1 teaspoon garlic
I make Kabobs with red and yellow peppers, onion, shrimp, scallops, muchrooms and salmon. Mix all of it in the sauce a grill it. It's BANGING!!!!! actually this is a recipe from my Dad he is the BBQ master!!!!

The Miracle of Love

Before you were conceived I wanted you
Before you were born I loved you
Before you were here an hour I would die for you
This is the miracle of love
                                                   Maureen Hawkins

A beautiful poem

I stole this from a beautiful person Mary Jeanne Althouse


In the harbor of friendship
When you stop to think of it~
Isn't it Queer?
Of all the fine people~~~
We meet every year
How few are the ones.
In the ebb and the flow.
Who Anchor our hearts
As the old friends we know.
 Author: Steph Collins

Cutest Baby's Ever

This is William.  Look at that face! Will is 1 year old.  He just started walking, his best friend is his dog Frank.  Will's parents are Josh and Ellen Parmley.  Congrats to William for being our first Cutest Baby Ever!  We love you baby Will!

K9 Fundraiser

This is for a good cause people!!! Check it out!
‎2nd Annual k9 fundraiser tickets are available. April 21, 2012. Need not be present to win. Proceeds are for medical and safety expenses for the dogs. grand prize: Bushmaster .223 w/ Eotech sight system n flashlight. Tickets are $20 and go quick. Here is the website for more info. Thank you for your support.
http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Facdsassn.com%2F&h=HAQGe9ERC

Just read this and had to throw my 2 cents in...

Wit star Cynthia Nixon set off a firestorm of controversy with her comment in a New York Times interview in which she said that being gay was a choice – for her. Now the women of The Talk, including out host Sarah Gilbert and guest, lesbian and chef Cat Cora, weighed in on Nixon’s remarks. Gilbert was a bit diplomatic in her assessment of Nixon’s statement when she said, “My guess is that she’s probably closer to bisexual. I think that in an ideal world it’s okay for her to say that it was a choice for her, because it was a choice for her, I guess, to be with a woman now.”

Gilbert went on to say, “I feel that the fact that we have to say that it’s a choice or not a choice means that there’s something wrong with it.” The actress also told an anecdote about a friend who’s father threatened him for being gay adding, “I think in terms of social responsibility, what she’s saying is a little risky but I value what she’s saying as a human being.”

But Chef Cora did not pull punches  “I’m gay and I was born this way,” Cora said, invoking a Lady Gaga lyric.

“I think it was dangerous and irresponsible of Cynthia in this environment today, especially when so many young people are taking their lives,” Cora said.

http://www.shewired.com/box-office/2012/01/26/sarah-gilbert-and-cat-cora-cynthia-nixons-saying-being-gay-was-her-choice

Star of the upcoming Broadway revival of Wit Cynthia Nixon has clarified that whole being gay is a choice statement she made in a recent interview with the New York Times, but the clarification she made about the word bisexual to The Daily Beast will not like assuage her detractors in the LGBT community. 

The Sex and the City star raised eyebrows when she told the New York Times, “I gave a speech recently, an empowerment speech to a gay audience, and it included the line ‘I’ve been straight and I’ve been gay, and gay is better.’ And they tried to get me to change it, because they said it implies that homosexuality can be a choice. And for me, it is a choice.”

Nixon went on to tell the NYT, “I say it doesn’t matter if we flew here or we swam here, it matters that we are here and we are one group and let us stop trying to make a litmus test for who is considered gay and who is not.”

One writer who took umbrage with Nixon’s calling being gay a choice –even if it’s just something she defines for herself—was America Blog writer John Aravosis who responded with the following:

“It's not a "choice," unless you consider my opting to date a guy with brown hair versus a guy with blonde hair a "choice." It's only a choice among flavors I already like.  And if you like both flavors, men and women, you're bisexual, you're not gay, so please don't tell people that you are gay, and that gay people can "choose" their sexual orientation, i.e., will it out of nowhere.  Because they can't.  And when you tell the NYT they can, you do tremendous damage to our civil rights effort.  Every religious right hatemonger is now going to quote this woman every single time they want to deny us our civil rights.  

Nixon since gave a second interview to The Daily Beast’s Kevin Sessums in which she says she eschews the word bisexual.

Sessums touched on Nixon’s orientation when he asked her, “Were you a lesbian in a heterosexual relationship? Or are you now a heterosexual in a lesbian relationship? That quote seemed like you were fudging a bit.”

Nixon, who has two children with her former partner Daniel Mozes and one with her current partner Christine Marinoni replied, “I think for gay people who feel 100 percent gay, it doesn’t make any sense. And for straight people who feel 100 percent straight, it doesn’t make any sense. I don’t pull out the “bisexual” word because nobody likes the bisexuals. Everybody likes to dump on the bisexuals.” She also told Sessums of the “B” in LGBT, “We get no respect,” which prompted him to ask if the “we” means she identifies as bisexual.

“I just don’t like to pull out that word. But I do completely feel that when I was in relationships with men, I was in love and in lust with those men. And then I met Christine and I fell in love and lust with her,” Nixon said.  “I am completely the same person and I was not walking around in some kind of fog. I just responded to the people in front of me the way I truly felt.”

http://www.shewired.com/box-office/2012/01/24/cynthia-nixon-attempts-clarify-whole-being-gay-choice-thing

My Thoughts...

This is something I can totally relate to.  Since Ang and I became a couple I have asked her what am I considered?  She has always told me she thinks  I was straight with bisexual tendencies.  Now that I am in a committed relationship, living with another woman, sleeping with another woman, and living as a gay couple that she would consider me a "lesbian".  She says if I was asked and I replied I was a bisexual, that it would upset her.  It would lead them to believe that I am also still interested in men.  Telling someone your Bisexual freaks people out.  They think you are sleeping with both sexes at the same time because you can't make up your mind.  Being bisexual we know that's not the case.  But it is easier to tell people that I am a lesbian.  They still have the deer in the headlights look on their face, but they seem to absorb it a little easier.  Then they find out I have children and a whole other list of questions enter their minds.

I was a straight woman for a long time.  I never considered being with a woman.  Until I met Ang.  She was my best friend, still is, and I just fell in love with her.  I didn't even know it was happening.  So I can understand Cynthia saying it was a "choice" for her because being with Ang was a choice for me.  I didn't choose to fall in love with her, it just happened.  But I did choose to act upon it and pursue a life with her.  Cynthia was probably speaking from the heart and trying to explain her truth, the way she views it.  I'm sure she didn't intend to hurt any one's feelings.  Being a celebrity she could have chose her words a little more carefully.  All in all I can understand her choice of words.  If you have any thoughts on this we would love to hear what you think.

Riddle Me This...

A blue house is made of blue bricks. A yellow house is made of yellow bricks. A red house is made of red bricks. An orange house is made of orange bricks. What would a green house be made of?

Kidz Korner

If your a Dr. Seuss nut like me then you've probably read Bartholomew and the Oobleck.  If not, that's OK.  We're gonna tell you how to make it anyway.  Oobleck is awesome, I first heard about it through the Early Head Start program.  Wyatt's teacher Miss Jodi showed us how to make it one day.  It was the coolest stuff I'd ever seen.  I later found out that it came from Dr. Seuss's 1949 book, about a boy who must rescue his kingdom from a sticky green goo.  The cool thing about Oobleck is that it is a liquid that when moved around turns into a solid.  Trust me your kids will love this stuff.  And so will you, it's easy to clean up!  You can pour it onto your table, then push it into a solid pile and pick it right up!

Recipe for Oobleck
1 cup of Cornstarch
1/2 cup of water
a couple drops of food coloring for fun
That's it.

In the cooking world we call this a Rue.  It's used to thicken soups and gravies.  But in a child's world, it's called Oobleck!

Helpful Tips from one Mama to another

       Potty Training.....UGH!  I think that pretty much sums it up!  Some kids are easy, others....not so much.  Neither one of my boys caught on too quick.  I started training Logan when he was about 15 months old, and it took me until he was 2 and 1/2 just to master peeing.  I was crazy when it came to trying to teach him.  I tried everything I could think of.  Rewarding him with treats, not the best idea. He would try to go and couldn't and still expected a treat for trying, and the sucker that I was I couldn't say no.  I tried throwing Cheerios in the potty and telling him to shoot at them, but then I caught him looking in the potty for cereal... Gross.  I tried Pull Ups....BIG WASTE OF MONEY!!!  I bought big boy underpants, man I did A LOT of laundry that year.  My friend Ellen even suggested that I let him run around the house with nothing on.  There are 10 kids in her family and she said that's how her mother trained them.  Well my heart goes out to that woman, I got tired of scrubbing the carpet after one day.  I would have to say in my opinion real underpants are the way to go.  Yes you do a heck of a lot more laundry but when they have an accident in, them they realize it more so than they do in a diaper or a Pull Up.  There not absorbent.  So when it came time to start training Wyatt, I went out and bought tons of underpants.  I would let him pick them out, he liked that.  At first he was peeing like every 20 minutes.  I was like OMG kid how can you pee so much?  So I started limiting his sippy cup.  He hated that but, I really needed to do it anyway.  We started with a sticker chart, it worked well for a while.  He was going on the potty almost as much as he was in his pants.  One day I took him to the bathroom and after he went I said, " Good job buddy!   Mama has to go too."  So I sat down as he was picking out his sticker and he turns around and hands me one and says, " One for me for peeing and one for you, good job Mama!"  How cute is that?! It took quiet a while for him to learn control and to recognize the feeling of needing to go but eventually he got it.  Pooping on the other hand was a different story.  He was a closet poo per. LOL.  All of a sudden he would disappear, and I knew he was pooping.  Most of the time he'd go to his room, sometimes I would catch him behind the recliner.  He was so excited when he would pee on the potty, but wanted nothing to do with pooping on it.  One day he took his pant off and pooped right on my living room floor!  He would go and then come back out and play and not even tell me.  He was perfectly content just sitting in his own poop.  It didn't bother him at all. LOL.  I realized I needed to get a handle on this and fast.
              Mother's day came and Ang took the boys out to buy me something.  Wyatt insisted on this purple piggy bank.  She said he picked it up and said, "I want to get this for Mama."  She tried to sway him towards other things but he held onto that pig throughout the whole store.  (Those kind of gifts are my favorite)  When he gave it to me he said,"Happy Birf-day Mama, purple piggy, Best present EVA!!"  I was cracking up!  He was always going in my room and getting that pig, he wanted to play with it.
               Back to potty training... The sticker thing was getting old.  So one day I said," Wyatt come here I have a surprise for you."  I took him in the bathroom and next to the potty was the pig.  " This is Poopie the pig and she's hungry.  She likes to eat quarters.  Every time you poop on the potty, we are going to feed her a quarter.  And when she gets full we will take those quarters and go get ice cream."  He was immediately impressed.  Needles to say this was the trick I'd been waiting for.  It totally worked.
              Every mother goes through this, and every mother knows each child is different.  The key to surviving it is to be patience, consistent, and willing to try anything to find out what works for your child.
I would also recommend Elmo's potty time movie.  Logan really liked that, Wyatt not so much.   The potty's that make the fake flushing noise or play music when they go, are kind of expansive and they just scared my kids.  They were paying attention to the feeling of going in the potty and trying to listen to it and all of a sudden this loud song started playing, it freaked Logan out.

             We do use a pull up at night now instead of a diaper.  He likes it because he can take them on and off himself, and one Pull Up a day is very affordable.  Just remember, lots of praise, lots of love, and pack lots of extra undies and pants when your out and about!

Poopie the Pig

Pork Roast Glaze

18oz jar Apricot Preserves

2 tablespoons Worchestershire sauce

1 cup Sugar

1 tablespoon Mustard

1/2 teaspoon Accent

1 teaspoon Parsley

Mix all ingredients and pour over your pork roast.  Slow cook in crock pot until roast falls apart.  Approx. 6 to 8 hours on low.

"No Milk Just Pink"

One Saturday morning, very early I might add, I heard something banging around in the kitchen.  Thinking it was the cats running around I got up to make sure.  I walked out into the kitchen and I see Wyatt standing on a chair he had pushed over to the counter.  I said, "Hey buddy whatcha doin?"  As he turned around this is what I saw...

 Me: "Gasp....Oh my gosh Wyatt what are you doing?"

Wyatt: "I'm just getting my No milk just pink."

Me: "LMAO, here buddy let me help you. LMAO!"

Thank god he can't open the beer can!  Needless to say I always make his "no milk just pink" the night before! 

A great place to get your "hair did"

Another thing about living in a small town is for some reason every salon you go to, the stylists are like 60 years old.  No offense to them, I'm sure that makes them a master at their craft  if you want to look like June Cleaver.  I have found no one who even knows what a Fohawk is.  Well finally Aphrodite (the goddess of beauty in case you didn't know) has shown us the light.  Karma Hair Studio located at 314 W. Park St. Franklin, Pa. 16323 phone: 814.432.5020.  The very adorable Kasey Carson hair stylist and owner is sure to give you a trendy hairstyle everyone will love.  Finally my boys don't look like I took a Flowbee to thier heads.  You can email Kasey at karmahairstudio2010@yahoo.com or check her out on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/pages/Karma-Hair-Studio/141068149252608

Thanks to Kasey I got a rockin new style that I love!

What to do when you can't go outside to play?

When you live in the middle of nowhere like we do, winter time can be very boring.  Fortunately we found 2 places here to take our kids when their driving us crazy.  The movies at the Cranberry Mall is a great place to go on Saturday mornings.  At 10:00am they show a kids movie for just a dollar per person.  This weekend they are featuring Beauty and the Beast.  And yes even though we have it at home there is something magical to a child when they get to see it in the theater.  Our kids behave really well at the movies but even if yours are a little hyper, no one cares because everyone there is a parent and knows how little kids are.  We take blankies and woobies (loveys) with us and the boys just think it's so cool to get popcorn in the morning.  Here is the link.

http://www.themoviesat.com/index.aspx?house_id=6799

Another place we really enjoy is the Clearview Mall in Butler, Pa.  They have a Chuck E Cheese and for 10 dollars you can get 50 tokens, which lasts us about 2 hours.  Not bad.  They also have a playground in the mall.  After we are finished at Chucky's we head down to the playground.  The kids love it so much it's hard to get them to leave.  It's a great way for them to get some exercise when they can' go outside.  Here is the link.

http://www.shopclearviewmall.com/hours.php


Chuck E Cheese's
101 Clearview Circle, Butler, PA 16001
Clearview Mall Cinemas
(724) 477-0017 () ‎
chuckecheese.com



If you want to stay at home there is a video rental store in Franklin.  I know, I didn't know video stores were still around now that we have Red Box and Net Flix but apparently they do exist, and this one is great!  It is located right across from Central Elementary School.  However I do not know the name of it as it is not listed on my membership card so I will have to get back to you on that one.  Anyway you can rent older movies there for under 2 bucks and the new releases are cheap too!  Plus they have a different special going on everyday!  The best part is you get to keep your rentals for 5 days!  You can't beat that.  A quick trip to the video store and 10 bucks will keep your kids happy all weekend long if their stuck inside.  Tonight is definitely a movie and pizza kind of night!

Ok so I found the name and address.....Here it is.


Film Fest Video
1281 Otter Street, Franklin, PA 16323-1325
(814) 437-2414  ‎

We've been messing around with our blog a little bit, trying to make it the best it can be.   Hope everyone is enjoying it stay tuned lots more to come!!!!

A Better Buy...

Just a little tip to all of you mom's who's kids play video games.  Don't buy your kids games at Walmart, Game Stop is cheaper.  They also have previsouly owned games and accesories.  I like to buy the used games because you never kow if your kids will like a game or not, and you have 7 days to return it for a full refund if your kids don't like it.  They also have a great rewards program that will give you 10% off of your purchase.  Sure Walmart will match prices but you won't get the rewards like you will at Game Stop.

Picky Eaters

A bowl of cereal, chocolate chip pancakes, french toast sticks, these are things little kids like to eat for breakfast right?  Wrong...not my kid.  8:30 this morning he asks for a salad, with cucumbers, black "AW-VIS" olives, and those crunchy thingys (crutons).....Oh yea and of coarse "No milk just pink".  Yum...

NEVER DOUBT YOUR INSTINCTS!!!

 This happened last year but I felt it was important and I needed to repost as the season of coughs and colds is upon us.
 On Thursday I called the doctors and told them my kids needed to be seen, they told me they didn't want to see them for 10 to 14 days. That's how long the common cold lasts. Over the weekend they got worse. On Monday I called and told them if they didn't see them I would take them to the ER. They agreed to see them. They told me it was just allerigies due to weather and they gave them Claritin and inhalers. They got worse. I called AGAIN today and they told me that they still thought it was Allerigies and that they would be fine but if I didn't agree with them then I could take them to the ER because they felt I was overreacting..This made me mad! I packed them up and off to the ER we went. It turns out Logan has Bhronchitis and Wyatt has an ear infection and Pneumonia. Needless to say I will be changing doctors ASAP! The point of my story is this: If you have a gut feeling when it comes to your kids trust it no matter what. I hate that these "know it all doctors" make you feel like this crazy parent just because you question them. It is our job as parents to fight for our kids and I am so thankful tonight that I did.

Helpful Tips

If your child is anything like mine, he gets up in the morning, grabs his sippy cup and turns on the t.v.  We have Direct T.V. and he doesn't know how to use the remote yet.  One morning Ang got up and Wyatt was sitting on the couch watching Legends of the Fall.  He looks at her and says, I don't yike dis show.  We have learned to pre select the cartoon channel the night before so when he gets up and turns the t.v. on it will be something appropriate for him to watch.  Also we make his strawberry milk, or as he calls it his "No milk, just pink" the night before and get him a snack ready too.  This way he lets us sleep in a little bit on the weekends. Hey anything for that extra half an hour!!! Now if I could just teach him to bring us coffee in the morning.....

The Begining...

  Ang and I met in September 2007.  I was working in a bar/ restaurant cooking in the kitchen. It was a nice little place where everyone knew everyone.  Which wasn’t always a good thing if you wanted to keep your business private,  but was kind of nice too because you always felt like you were around family.  I had been working there for about 6 years at the time Ang came into my life.  I had started out there as a bartender and did that for about 5 years. I waitressed a little, if someone called off, and was now cooking in the kitchen.  I decided to give cooking a try when I was about 4 months pregnant with my first son Logan.  I couldn’t lift the kegs and cases anymore, the cigarette smoke started to make me sick and I figured who wants to look at a pregnant bartender.  So the kitchen seemed like the best bet.

  Every night after work I would sit down, have a few drinks and chill out with the locals.  I only lived next door to the place and I knew my husband and baby were sleeping anyway.  One night I sat down to order my usual, Captain and Coke, and Martha, the bartender introduced me to her friends.

  “Shannon this is my friend Darleen and her daughter Angela.”

  “Hi” I said, “it’s nice to meet you.”

  A little while later, after a few drinks I walked up to Ang and touched her arm.

  “I love your tattoo!”  I told her.  She looked at me, smiled and said, “thank you.”  We started bs’ ing about our tattoos, taking turns showing each other our artwork.  After a while it was time to go home and for reasons I couldn’t understand, I’d thought about her all night.

  The following weekend after work, I sat down and ordered my usual.  I looked down the bar and there she was.  Only this time she was sitting with a guy who I’d never seen before.  I assumed he was her boyfriend.  My friend Dan came over and we grabbed a café table to sit and talk.  To this day I can’t remember a thing Dan said to me that night , I just kept staring at her hoping she would turn around and see me so I could say hi.  She did and immediately we got up and sat together and talked the rest of the night.  I asked her if the guy she was with was her boyfriend, she laughed and told me that he was her brother and she told me she was gay.  I had lots of gay friends so that was no big thing to me. I told her I had to work the next night and that she should come by and we could hang out afterwards. 

  The next night dragged on and on and on.  I was so excited I couldn’t wait for her to come.  I kept finding excuses to go out to the bar to see if she was there yet waiting for me.  Finally my shift was over.  We were slow that night so I actually got done earlier than I was supposed to so I ran home and changed and did my hair and makeup.  My husband asked me where I was going and I told him just out with some girlfriends.  It was a Saturday night and Logan was already asleep so I didn’t see the harm.  I went back to the bar ordered a drink and sat down.  I couldn’t figure out why I was so excited.  Maybe because she was somebody new to hang out with or maybe it was because she was my own age. All of my other friends were a lot older than me.  I saw her walking in and pretended not to notice.  She walked up to me and I said,” hi”.  She looked a little surprised to see me all done up and not in my work clothes.  I told her I had gotten done early and went home to change.  We hung out for a while and when some of the other girls were done work, we all decided to go to another bar to shoot some pool.  At the next bar Ang and I were inseparable.  We played pool together and picked out songs on the juke box.  We laughed like crazy and just got to know each other a little better.  She drove me home and I told her to crash on my couch.  We were trashed and she lived a good 20 minutes away.  When I woke up Sunday morning she was gone.

  I sent her an email on Monday at her work.  I told her I had a blast and that we should hang out again sometime.  She wrote me back right away and said how about next weekend.  I said absolutely, I couldn’t wait!

Friday night, (OUR FIRST KISS) we went out with some friends, and Ang, Ellen and I ended up back at my house.  I grabbed all the pillows and blankets I could find, popped in Pirates of the Caribbean and we all laid down on the floor to watch it.  I was very specific about the sleeping arrangements I guess because Ang still laughs about it to this day.  Needless to say Ellen was on the left, Ang was in the middle and I was on the right.  Within minutes Ellen was out snoring loudly enough to make Ang and I crack up laughing.  We laid facing each other somehow inching closer to each other every couple of minutes or so.  We closed our eyes and when our noses touched we kissed each other 3 times and then we fell asleep.  Saturday night  was my friend Kelly’s Halloween party.  We did some bar hoping before hand and each place we went we were sitting together and totally acting like a couple.  I was introducing her to my friends and getting her drinks for her I was even holding her hand.  I think she thought I was just drunk and it was no big deal but I was  loving every minute of it.  I didn’t even care who saw us or if someone told my husband.  I just felt happy and excited and I didn’t want the night to end.  We ended up at Kelly’s and didn’t stay very long.  There was always some kind of bullshit going on at her party’s so we decided to leave.  We drove back to Stevie’s house and everyone walked inside.  I grabbed Ang’s hand and when she turned around I slammed her up against the car and kissed her.  I think she was in shock, she kissed me right back and we held hands and walked in Stevie’s.  We ended up making out on his couch that night and walked over to my house as the sun was coming up.  My husband was not too happy, he went fishing and Ang and I stayed and played with Logan all day.  When he napped we did too and after dinner she went home.  Neither one of us mentioned what had happened the night before and when she left I was sad that it would be a whole week before I’d see her again.  All week we emailed each other back and forth, and I couldn’t stop thinking about her and what had happened.  I thought about how much I liked her and what it would be like to be with a woman.  I thought about what it would be like to be a couple and live together and about my friends that were gay and how their lives didn’t seem much different than those of straight couples.  I thought  about how it would affect my son and what he would have to deal with throughout his childhood if he had a gay mom.  Ok so I was jumping the gun a little bit.  I had only made out with this woman one time but my mind was racing with all these thoughts. 

  My marriage was failing miserably and had been for a while.  So every weekend I spent it with Ang.  Going out at night after work and hanging out with her and Logan during the days.  She slept on my couch every weekend, I begged her to stay and told her it was because I was worried about her driving home but we both knew better.  Neither one of us wanted to be apart even for a second.  We just loved being together.  Logan took to her right away.  He was glued to her side and would cry terribly when she had to leave.  Each Sunday she would leave later and later.  And each weekend she’d answer her phone less and less.  See Ang had been with her girlfriend for 12 years and hadn’t been happy for like 10.  She says it was a relationship of convince, which I completely understood being in the situation I was in.  Her girlfriend worked  on the weekends so that’s how Ang got away, and my husband had better things to do than spend his time with me and Logan.  During the day we were 3 peas in a pod.  We’d go to the park or go shopping.  She’d sit and play with Logan while I’d make lunch or do my housework.  My husband would come home and I’d tell him it was his turn to take care of Logan so I could go out and have my free time.  I never left while Logan was awake.  He was always bathed and fed and asleep before I went out.  I felt less guilty that way.  And I was always there when he woke up in the morning.  The nights would come and Ang and I were out the door.  Always going out to a bar so I could have a few drinks to get up the courage to hold her hand under the table or in the car on the way home.  Halloween night my mom, my sister, and her boyfriend, me and Ang all dressed up and went out trick or treating.  It was so much fun.  On the way home  Ang and I stopped at a bar, rumored to be a gay bar,  in our costumes.  Everyone there got such a kick out of us and from that night on that was our spot!  Every weekend that’s where we went.  We knew everybody and they knew us.  They called us “The Girls” and we had a blast every time we went.  Everyone thought we were a couple for a while.   We met this guy named Ned who became such a good friend to us.  He would always ask me how things were going with my husband at home and he would tell me if I wasn’t happy to change my life.  He would always say he could see how much Ang cared about me, that it was obvious to anyone who knew us.

 November came and my husband was away hunting, so I jokingly asked Ang if she wanted to be my date for Thanksgiving at my mom’s house.  She said yes and so we took Logan and we went.  I wonder if my family thought anything of it at the time.  I guess not they’ve never said so.  But we went and we ate and had a nice time. 

 Things went on as they had been throughout December, although I wasn’t happy at home I had decided I wanted another baby.  Christmas time came and we went to my parent’s house in the mountains for the holidays.  I emailed Ang the whole time I was away and hated that I wouldn’t get to see her that weekend.  I hadn’t gotten my period that month so my sister and I went to the store and I  secretly bought a pregnancy test.  I went home and took it and sure enough I was pregnant.  I flung open the bathroom door  and announced to my husband and my whole family that I was pregnant.  And in that instant of being totally thrilled and excited Ang popped into my head.  How was I going to explain this to her?  I felt like I had cheated on her even though we weren’t truly a couple.  I felt like I’d betrayed her in some way, like I had lied to her about being unhappy at home and then boom I end up pregnant.  The truth was I was trying to get pregnant so Logan could have a sibling and I was trying before I’d met Ang.  I never thought about how it was going to change things for everyone else.  Luckily for us it changed things for the better.  It became a blessing to our relationship and made us even closer than we already were. 

  It took me 2 days to figure out how to tell her the news.  Every time I tried to sit down and write her I couldn’t think of what to say.  Finally I did it and it went something along the lines of.  Hey what’s up?   How was your Christmas?  By the way I’m pregnant, if you don’t want to hang out with me anymore I understand.  Smooth right?  Being the totally awesome person that she is she wrote me back and congratulated me and said of coarse she still wanted to hang out.  So we started doing things together that didn’t involve bars or alcohol. We’d got out to eat or go to the movies. I did go out with her for New Years Eve even though I was completely exhausted.  She still came over every weekend and sometimes we’d just stay home and veg out.   She started taking me to meet her family, we went to her Grandparents for dinner, and I went to a concert with her and her girlfriend and her mom.  She even made her girlfriend and her mom sit in the back of the car.  She said it was because I was pregnant but I knew better.  So for nine months we were best friends.  No fooling around, no holding hands, no kissing in the car before we went home, just friends.  And we got to know each other on a level that most people don’t now a days.  It was kind of like when people courted each other before they got married and slept together.  She opened all the doors for me and carried my stuff to the car.  She took me baby shopping and put together all the baby stuff for me.  She pushed Logan in the stroller and carried him when he had to be.  And we talked and talked and fell in love with each other as a person, without any sexual tension or expectations that you normally have in a relationship.  Most of our time together was now spent with Logan since I was tired at night and couldn’t go out late.  So we’d take him to the pool or the zoo and come home and play out in the yard until dark and he continued to fall in love with her more and more everyday just like I did.  Eventually I stopped hanging out with my other friends.   Like I said they were all older and their kids were grown and they wanted to go out and party and I couldn’t so it just became me and Ang.  People at work would question me and ask why she was there every weekend.  I blew them off and told them nothing was going on because at the time nothing was.  Nothing physical anyway but mentally I was in love with her.  At this point I still hadn’t realized it fully.  I didn’t think we would ever become a couple even though I thought about it all the time.  I actually started marriage counseling to try and fix our problems at home for my kids’ sake.  But that was a complete waste of time.  Toward the end of my pregnancy I started to think about all the things that Ang had been there for, with me and with Logan that my husband had missed.  Logan’s second birthday party, his first trip to the zoo, the first time we took him to the pool,  baby shopping for Wyatt, and when I had my belly hennaed.  She even walked in the room as I was going into labor with Wyatt and was there when I brought him into this world.  All the times she was there for me, all the things she had done for me, and she never asked for anything in return.  Just being with me was enough for her and I started to realize that being with her was what I wanted all the time.  When she was around nothing was wrong, and when she  wasn’t  I was miserable without her.  The day after Wyatt was born Ang and her grandmother came to visit us in the hospital.  Ang brought me flowers and her gram brought an outfit for the baby.  I wished she could stayed there with me all day.  After we went home things went back to the same,  I was on my own basically during the week, taking care of the kids and the house, waiting desperately for the weekend to come again.  When Wyatt was around 2 weeks old my step mother came out to visit and she could see that things were pretty much the same with Wyatt as they had been with Logan, me doing all the work and being exhausted.  She insisted that I leave the kids with her and go out with my friends for a couple of hours.  I was so excited.  I called Ang right away and she came to pick me up.  We got to our favorite bar and I ordered my first drink in 9 months drank 3 sips out of it and started to cry.  I felt guilty for leaving Wyatt so soon.  She took me home right away.  The next night I tried again.  Only this time we went to my friend Kathy’s house not so far away and I called to check on the baby, once I knew he was asleep I could finally relax.  We sat on the porch and drank some beer listening to music.  Then Kathy and her beau wandered off and there I was alone with Ang again buzzed of my second beer.  We were standing up leaning on the railing of the porch and one of her cd’s was playing in the radio.

  I said,” this is my jam, you gotta give me this cd.” 

She said,” what r u gonna give me for it?” and I said,” what do u want?”

She leaned over grabbed my face and kissed me right there on Kathy’s porch.  In that moment I was so relieved.  I wanted things to be like they were before I got pregnant,  I was afraid that it would be awkward or take us forever to get back to the way we used to be.  I was afraid we would never be that way again.  But when she kissed me I knew she wanted it to.  This time it was crazier than before.  All I wanted was to be with her all the time.  I couldn’t stand the sight of my husband anymore I didn’t want to even sleep in the same room as him.  I moved all my stuff to the upstairs bedroom.   And when Wyatt was two months old I had had enough.  One night Ang and I went out and were sitting at a small café table in the corner of a bar talking and laughing, waiting to hear our favorite band play, and I looked at her and said,” you know what, you’re my soul mate, I know that sounds cheesy but it’s true.  The only time I’m happy is when your around.”

With the biggest smile on her face and she looked at me and said,” me too.”

I said, “ we deserve to be happy, I deserve you and you deserve me, let’s be together.”

I gathered up my things and she just sat there and watched in disbelief.  I think she thought oh she just drunk, she doesn’t mean it, and we walked out the door.  We got in the car I told her to take me home and on the way I called my husband.  I told him that it was over between us and that I wanted him to move out and that I was in love with Ang.  When she heard me say that she started to veer off the road.   She was in complete shock.  We went home that and I asked her not to leave, I don’t know how she had the guts but she walked in the house right beside me and we stood there and faced him and told him the truth.  I told him I loved her and that I wasn’t going to change my mind.  And he moved out the next day. 

 On October 2, 2008 Ang moved in with the boys and I.  A whole new life had begun.  Not only did no one in my family know but my friends didn’t either.  Ang’s ex started throwing her things out the front door into the rain, my ex was still coming by for his things and to pick up the kids for a visit.  It was the craziest couple of weeks there for a while until we got everything situated and it started to feel like a home again.  Now we were together all the time not just on the weekends like before and we couldn’t have been happier.  I maintained my roll, cooking and taking care of the kids and she pitched in whenever she could and helped me with it all.  She did the things I wasn’t used to doing like the mowing and the fixing.  We even painted the whole house together, I think it was a metaphor for a fresh start for the both of us.  She got up with Wyatt in the middle of the night, and would give them baths and put them to bed for me so I could sit and relax for a while.  Eventually everyone knew what had happened, remember what I said about small towns.  But it was fine.  None of my friends cared and Ang’s family accepted me and the boys completely.  I think they finally saw Ang happy for once.  My family on the other hand was a different story.  My mom and my sisters were ok with it at least they’ve never told me any different and they’ve always been nice to Ang.  My father however, was a little bit harder to convince that the world was not going to come to an end because his oldest daughter was now a lesbian. 

That first year was exciting, there was always something going on.  We had finally moved all of Ang’s stuff in and we were getting used to each other’s routines.  Not to mention we had a new baby in the house.  Wyatt was still a newborn and needed a lot of attention.  Logan adapted really well, he didn’t even realize anything was different really.  He was so used to Ang always being the one to do things with him that he loved having her there all the time.  He used to ask her when she’d leave for work if she was going home, it took him a while to realize she lived with us now.

 We did EVERYTHING together, cleaning the house, shopping, yard work, you name it.  Taking the kids to do stuff, making home movies and scrapbooks of all the fun things we did.

My Dad came around eventually.  My youngest sister graduated from high school and asked me to attend her graduation.  I went for her but said I would not attend her party without Ang.  My Dad invited us both and we went.  I think it was probably somewhere around the second day of our visit that my Dad realized that he loved Ang too.  Ok maybe not quite that soon but it wasn’t long at all.  I don’t think it was her he didn’t like.  I think he was afraid of the way he’d feel when he saw us together.  And once he realized that we weren’t gonna make out with each other in front of him, he was fine with it. 

One night when the boys were with their dad, Ang and I went out to meet Ned at the bar and we told him all about our new life together and how crazy things were.  He told me something I will never forget. 

He said,” give it a year, and I promise you everything will be completely different, in one year look back on this time right now and you will be amazed at how much better things will be.”

And he was right.  Every time things would get a little hectic with my dad or with my ex, or with Ang’s ex I would think about what Ned said to me and try to stay positive.  On October 2, 2009 I thought about Ned and his advice and he was right.

New Years Eve 2011