Wit star Cynthia Nixon set off a firestorm of controversy with her comment in a New York Times interview in which she said that being gay was a choice – for her. Now the women of The Talk, including out host Sarah Gilbert and guest, lesbian and chef Cat Cora, weighed in on Nixon’s remarks. Gilbert was a bit diplomatic in her assessment of Nixon’s statement when she said, “My guess is that she’s probably closer to bisexual. I think that in an ideal world it’s okay for her to say that it was a choice for her, because it was a choice for her, I guess, to be with a woman now.”
Gilbert went on to say, “I feel that the fact that we have to say that it’s a choice or not a choice means that there’s something wrong with it.” The actress also told an anecdote about a friend who’s father threatened him for being gay adding, “I think in terms of social responsibility, what she’s saying is a little risky but I value what she’s saying as a human being.”
But Chef Cora did not pull punches “I’m gay and I was born this way,” Cora said, invoking a Lady Gaga lyric.
“I think it was dangerous and irresponsible of Cynthia in this environment today, especially when so many young people are taking their lives,” Cora said.
Star of the upcoming Broadway revival of Wit Cynthia Nixon has clarified that whole being gay is a choice statement she made in a recent interview with the New York Times, but the clarification she made about the word bisexual to The Daily Beast will not like assuage her detractors in the LGBT community.
The Sex and the City star raised eyebrows when she told the New York Times, “I gave a speech recently, an empowerment speech to a gay audience, and it included the line ‘I’ve been straight and I’ve been gay, and gay is better.’ And they tried to get me to change it, because they said it implies that homosexuality can be a choice. And for me, it is a choice.”
Nixon went on to tell the NYT, “I say it doesn’t matter if we flew here or we swam here, it matters that we are here and we are one group and let us stop trying to make a litmus test for who is considered gay and who is not.”
One writer who took umbrage with Nixon’s calling being gay a choice –even if it’s just something she defines for herself—was America Blog writer John Aravosis who responded with the following:
“It's not a "choice," unless you consider my opting to date a guy with brown hair versus a guy with blonde hair a "choice." It's only a choice among flavors I already like. And if you like both flavors, men and women, you're bisexual, you're not gay, so please don't tell people that you are gay, and that gay people can "choose" their sexual orientation, i.e., will it out of nowhere. Because they can't. And when you tell the NYT they can, you do tremendous damage to our civil rights effort. Every religious right hatemonger is now going to quote this woman every single time they want to deny us our civil rights.
Nixon since gave a second interview to The Daily Beast’s Kevin Sessums in which she says she eschews the word bisexual.
Sessums touched on Nixon’s orientation when he asked her, “Were you a lesbian in a heterosexual relationship? Or are you now a heterosexual in a lesbian relationship? That quote seemed like you were fudging a bit.”
Nixon, who has two children with her former partner Daniel Mozes and one with her current partner Christine Marinoni replied, “I think for gay people who feel 100 percent gay, it doesn’t make any sense. And for straight people who feel 100 percent straight, it doesn’t make any sense. I don’t pull out the “bisexual” word because nobody likes the bisexuals. Everybody likes to dump on the bisexuals.” She also told Sessums of the “B” in LGBT, “We get no respect,” which prompted him to ask if the “we” means she identifies as bisexual.
“I just don’t like to pull out that word. But I do completely feel that when I was in relationships with men, I was in love and in lust with those men. And then I met Christine and I fell in love and lust with her,” Nixon said. “I am completely the same person and I was not walking around in some kind of fog. I just responded to the people in front of me the way I truly felt.”
My Thoughts...
This is something I can totally relate to. Since Ang and I became a couple I have asked her what am I considered? She has always told me she thinks I was straight with bisexual tendencies. Now that I am in a committed relationship, living with another woman, sleeping with another woman, and living as a gay couple that she would consider me a "lesbian". She says if I was asked and I replied I was a bisexual, that it would upset her. It would lead them to believe that I am also still interested in men. Telling someone your Bisexual freaks people out. They think you are sleeping with both sexes at the same time because you can't make up your mind. Being bisexual we know that's not the case. But it is easier to tell people that I am a lesbian. They still have the deer in the headlights look on their face, but they seem to absorb it a little easier. Then they find out I have children and a whole other list of questions enter their minds.
I was a straight woman for a long time. I never considered being with a woman. Until I met Ang. She was my best friend, still is, and I just fell in love with her. I didn't even know it was happening. So I can understand Cynthia saying it was a "choice" for her because being with Ang was a choice for me. I didn't choose to fall in love with her, it just happened. But I did choose to act upon it and pursue a life with her. Cynthia was probably speaking from the heart and trying to explain her truth, the way she views it. I'm sure she didn't intend to hurt any one's feelings. Being a celebrity she could have chose her words a little more carefully. All in all I can understand her choice of words. If you have any thoughts on this we would love to hear what you think.
I agree that saying you're bisexual makes one sound as if they are attracted to both genders at the same time. I have the same problem with the label.
ReplyDeleteSandra, Thank you so much for your comment! For me it's about who I am in love with, not about what's between their legs. It's a shame people just can't understand that.
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